your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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