There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Terrible idea I love it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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