Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what day is it and did you see me today?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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