I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
