I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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