Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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