NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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