I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
