omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
