I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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