Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
