I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
