i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
