the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
