does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
