...so i touched it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
