You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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