Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
