next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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