I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
