im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize