i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
