Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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