i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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