Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Boobs are out for the taking
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
