I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
