Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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