Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
