The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
