Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
