i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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