hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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