Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
