she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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