her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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