I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
