we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize