I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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