what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
