So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
