Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
