i think i have two assholes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We are two peas in an std pod
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
