And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
