So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
