Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
