it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
