i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
