Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
