i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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