did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
