Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
