Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Fuck appropriateness.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize