I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
