I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
