I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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