I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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