The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
