1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
