If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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