??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
