Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
