She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
