Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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