Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
