We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
