You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
